Ruminations on Life

I found this great site and I can't keep it to myself some of the things listed on there had me cracking up out loud! Here are a few that I had to put down because they were too funny or true to miss. Enjoy.

One of life's great frustrations is the quest to get the refilled ice-cube tray back into the freezer without spilling water everywhere.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. 

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

Our generation doesn't knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we're outside

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 

I hate when I think of something really great to say during a conversation but by the time I get a chance to speak, we're on a different topic. Do I let it pass and keep the good thought to myself, or do I awkwardly bring up the old topic again?

My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat." 

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 

Does anyone else mutter "righty tighty and lefty loosey" when tightening or unscrewing anything?

Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there's anything good, but nothing ever changes.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". 

Every phone should have the same charger. 

Everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet. 

My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster. 

I don't know about you, but a highlight of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice. 

Why do I always pack extra pairs of underwear when getting ready for a vacation? I haven't shit my pants in years. 

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?" 

Was learning cursive really necessary? 

"I had to walk to school 40 miles in the snow... barefoot" was good in it's day. But imagine the sheer terror on your kid's face when you drop "When I was born there was no internet". 

If I see your pants sagging below your ass I know you didn't read the instructions that came with them.

I wish there was always a recycling bin next to people that hand out pamphlets. 

American Apparel ads equal marketing fail. Neither the phrase "3-D Flower Mesh Jumper" nor the emaciated model makes me want your hideous product. 

The concept of a raincoat without a hood is beyond me. I mean making it to work with my hair soaked and my makeup running, but with my outfit completely intact really isn't an accomplishment.